WE ARE LOVE!
Written by Elizabeth Coughlin
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It was 1979, I was seven years old, it was June and summer was in the air. Miss Cottis was my first grade teacher and it was the Friday before the last week of school. Everyone was excited for summer to start. My good friend Scottie and I sat next to each other. Miss Cottis handed us each the lunch menu for the last day of school. All it read was it would be a surprise!
“Ohhhhhh, Scottie exclaimed, maybe it will be pancakes, or candy!”
Scottie was my buddy. He and I loved to laugh and make other kids laugh. That was our mission at recess, to get everyone to laugh! So when he suggested candy for lunch, I laughed with excitement and quickly agreed! We flipped our chairs upside down and put them on top of our desks (this was the custom) and left for the school bus home. Little did I know that would be that last time I would see my friend Scottie. That weekend, while playing at his house, Scottie would chase a ball into the street, and a car would end his short, joyous life.
At that same moment, across town, I was outside at a small office building on route one with my parents and sister, Tracy. My parents were looking at purchasing it for my father’s business. When we arrived, I soon wondered off, and spotted a scruffy looking dog tied to the building. I love animals and we were both bored, so he made good company. Soon I became curious as to why it seemed so quiet, and I realized my parents had driven away, leaving me alone with my new friend! In a panic I ran off to find my family. I realized I would have to cross route one. Luckily it was not a busy part of route one. I looked both ways and crossed the street and began running. As I ran, I had to make a choice to either go left or right. Not knowing which way, I followed my senses and went left. As I ran, I saw my parents brown station wagon driving towards me. I wasn’t sure if I was mad or happy to see them. I began waving furiously as they drove up beside me and I opened the door and jumped in. My mom explained she realized I was missing when they spotted a dead rabbit in the road and they didn’t hear my usual cry of despair when seeing a dead animal. Alarmed that nobody heard my cry, my parents looked in the backseat and saw my sister but not me. My mom yelled, “Tracy, where is your sister?”
She replied, “I don’t know.”
Soon after we got home my mom received a phone call about the tragic death of my friend Scottie. She tried explaining it my seven-year-old ears, but it just did not compute.The following week at school made no sense to me. I was sad and confused I was in tremendous grief over the loss of my friend. Where did he go? Will I see him again? How would we complete our mission in making our friends laugh at recess?
The teacher, Miss Cottis, tried her best to console her classroom of grief stricken and confused seven-year-olds. She gathered us around and explained the burial process. All I could think was, “this is horrible!”
Sometime later that year, I had what I now know was an, out of body experience/dream visitation, with my friend Scottie. In my experience, my friend said, “hello!”
I replied, “Where are you?”
He said, “When you die you turn back into love!”
I didn’t understand what he meant by, ‘turn back into love’. In an effort to help me understand, Scottie used his humor and showed all kinds of colorful valentine heart shaped candies, that read, “Be Mine”, “I love you”. My seven-year-old self could not understand this and woke up screaming, “we turn into candy!”
My mom came into my room and assured me we don’t turn into candy, and she went back to bed.
Reflecting on this over 45 years later, I remember the last thing Scottie said to me regarding our surprise end of the year lunch menu ...
“maybe it will be pancakes or candy!”
Indeed it was my joyous friend, indeed it was.